Why do wake-up calls have to be so painful?
Most of us have been there. That moment when suddenly we have no option but to change something in our lives.
That moment when realisation hits us hard! That moment when it hurts so much we can’t breathe. That moment that comes after all the little painful experiences that have each told us to do something different, yet we’ve ignored or forgotten about them after a couple of weeks, and finally it all makes perfect sense.
I have experienced a few of those moments. I refer to them as ‘wake-up calls’. I share one in my book Successful Business Minds. This week I had another. My clients, friends, fellow coaches and therapists have all had those moments too.
Often we laugh (after the event…) on how insightful and equally dramatic it was. It is very often quite painful too.
Pain is a powerful motivator. None of us like pain and we will do anything to avoid it. So when something in our life has to change, we start experiencing some pain in certain areas of our life. We start getting signals from our body, our thoughts, our emotions and our soul. Each one calling us to do something different.
If we ignore these messages they just keep coming, louder and more painful than the one before.
In hindsight, we wish we had taken action after the first sign. But it is often after a few months, or even years, before we get that painful heart-breaking ‘wake-up call’.
Some clients come to me for help when their finances are pretty bad e.g. when they need money next month or next week. This is usually their ‘wake-up call’. Yet there were signs before e.g. not being able to pay for something small in their business or not being able to buy their kids something special. Or buying everything on their credit card.
They kept borrowing money and/or denying the problem (it’s just a blip, I’ll be ok next month when x, y and z happens). Or they blame others such as a customer didn’t pay their bill on time. A nuisance, very much so, but we should never be in that position. This is where savings and budgeting is very much needed.
Yet don’t be too hard on yourself. Savings and budgeting are not things that are taught in school and we all like spending money when we have it. It is known in psychology that we always choose the short term over the long term. This is why we need reminders such as budgeting.
If you ever find yourself in this position, I recommend you pause for a moment, and reflect with compassion. Cry and get angry if you have to (a boxing bag is great for this kind of thing!). Allow your emotions to surface, with compassion and safety (i.e. don’t lash out at others – they want to help you).
Go inwards and ask compassionately “What am I doing that could be contributing to this?” and “What could I do that would make it easier?” Ask for help and support. But remember, although everyone will help you as much as they can, the real change must come from you.
The ‘wake-up call’ I talk about in Successful Business Minds was after a series of events that lasted over quite a few years. Each one was more painful than the other. After each message, I made a small change yet I soon forgot or it wasn’t the right change that was needed; it was just a defensive mechanism that I unconsciously installed to protect myself. Until I then got that ‘wake-up call’ and had to face what was happening and make changes.
The ‘wake-up call’ I experienced this week, was far more dramatic than most I’ve had in my life, albeit like all the others, it now makes complete sense when I look back at other events in my life. It’s almost like the final piece of the jigsaw. I look forward to sharing it with you in 12-18 months in my next book! 🙂
Helen x
If you would you like a copy of our book Successful Business Minds you can order below.
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