Someone asked me a question on social media last week which got me angry yet thoughtful. It turned out the question was only said to add to my own psychological post but at first, I took it personally. The person apologised once I replied but I thanked them as it truly gave me food for thought.
Their question was ‘Are you attention seeking’.
I paused for a moment to reflect (and calm down) before replying ’No, not intentionally, I’m only trying to help. However, psychologically speaking, everyone on social media is attention seeking’. I then logged out, shut down my laptop, turned my phone off for the night and sat with my journal. The following is an edited version of what I wrote in my journal.
“That person really doesn’t get me at all – I’m an introvert! And I just want help…
Help how? (I tend to have two-way conversations with myself…) I just want to spread awareness that there is another way to live, stress-free; another way to think about money, success and everything else that keeps us awake at night.
How do you spread awareness though?
Today’s social construct says to spread awareness, I have to get people’s attention and for that to happen I have to be on social media. Quite frankly though that makes me feel uncomfortable.
Maybe that’s why I dislike being on social media? Hmm. Absurdly, I hadn’t really thought of it being attention seeking before, but it makes sense. Business owners, authors or social psychologists, all have to get their message out there somehow.
Is competing for attention the only way?
Sadly I think it is. To create this awareness, in this modern world, I feel I have to shout loud and that is against everything I am. Social media comes so easy to others. Perhaps they are more extrovert than I am? But when I ask those who love social media, they say it’s because they are passionate about what they do but I’m passionate about what I do too but I’m still uncomfortable with social media…”
A few days later, it then dawned on me there was more to it.
I found myself challenged to accept a compliment from a client and so I took to my journal again. I then realised the uncomfortableness of social media and accepting a compliment were connected.
In Successful Business Minds I spoke in part 3 of not feeling worthy of success and made no declaration that I felt completely worthy myself yet, but due to my own experience, I could easily recognise it in others and, now thankfully, I can recognise it in myself too (although it might take a few days). Here I was again, as my life & business took me to another layer of (my own defined) success.
I was sabotaging my success, by not feeling worthy of it – I couldn’t accept the compliment and I didn’t feel comfortable speaking out on social media as I felt I wasn’t worthy of being heard.
Not feeling worthy is common yet I don’t know why. Maybe it originated from a throwaway comment from a parent, relative or teacher. Or maybe it was the result of an experience. Regardless of where it came from, it’s important that we all recognise it and act to reduce it.
I think we get confused that feeling unworthy will keep us kind, polite and thoughtful. But, I believe we can feel worthy of success, money, compliments and the right to be heard, without having to shout, be greedy, selfish, unkind & unthoughtful.
I gave some tips in Successful Business Minds and I have been ensuring I repeat daily (some I was doing, but some I had neglected), whilst also re-reading another five great books, both which I highly recommend in addition to my own. 😉
I noticed this morning before sitting down to write this week’s blog, that I again was feeling uncomfortable and didn’t want to write it, then I heard that infamous internal critic I think we are all familiar with.
‘Who are you to write about this stuff and who would read it anyway?’
I paused, smiled at my critic, then forced myself to sit down at the laptop. I then decided to hold off the bog I was going to write until next week and wrote this one instead. I hope you enjoyed it.
© Helen Monaghan
I Heart me by David Hamilton
Worthy by Nancy Levin
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
Life Loves You by Louise Hay & Robert Holden
Manage Your Critic by Sheryl Andrews